Supporting Someone with Memory Loss

Supporting someone with memory loss requires patience, empathy, and practical strategies. Here are some ways you can help:

Emotional Support

• Be patient and calm – avoid correcting or arguing if they forget something. Instead, gently redirect or reassure them.

• Encourage independence – let them do tasks they can manage, stepping in only when needed.

• Offer reassurance – memory loss can feel frustrating and frightening. Simple affirmations (“It’s okay, I’m here to help”) can ease anxiety.

Practical Everyday Support

• Establish routines – keeping daily activities predictable makes remembering easier.

• Use reminders and aids – calendars, sticky notes, phone alarms, or digital assistants can help.

• Label things – for example, cupboards or drawers, to reduce confusion.

• Simplify choices – instead of asking “What do you want to wear?” show two outfits to pick from.

Communication Tips

• Speak clearly and slowly – use short sentences and give them time to respond.

• Maintain eye contact – it helps them stay focused.

• Ask simple questions – “Would you like tea or coffee?” instead of open-ended ones.

• Repeat if needed, without frustration – sometimes hearing things more than once helps.

Health & Safety

• Encourage healthy lifestyle habits – exercise, good sleep, and a balanced diet support brain health.

• Medication reminders – use pill organizers or alarms to avoid missed or double doses.

• Ensure home safety – remove tripping hazards, add night lights, and keep emergency contacts visible.

• Seek professional help – doctors, therapists, or memory clinics can provide guidance and resources.

Caring for Yourself as a Supporter

Supporting someone with memory loss can be emotionally demanding. It’s important to:

• Ask for help from family or professionals.

• Join support groups for caregivers.

• Take breaks and care for your own well-being too.

Day-to-Day Care at Home

If you live with or regularly care for someone with memory loss:

• Keep consistent routines: Breakfast, medication, walks, and bedtime around the same times each day. Predictability reduces stress.

• Break tasks into steps: Instead of saying “get ready for bed,” say “let’s brush your teeth first,” then “now let’s put on pajamas.”

• Use visual cues: Large-print calendars, digital clocks showing the date, and labeled drawers can help with orientation.

• Prepare the environment: Simplify the home—fewer objects on counters, clear pathways, and secure items like car keys if safety is a concern.

• Monitor emotions: Frustration or agitation is common. Respond with calm reassurance instead of correction.

Social & Emotional Support (Friends and Loved Ones)

If you’re not a full-time caregiver but want to support someone socially:

• Be present and patient: Focus on the connection, not the memory gaps.

• Avoid quizzing: Asking “Do you remember me?” may cause stress. Instead, introduce yourself casually (“Hi, it’s James, we met at…”).

• Talk about the present: Share what’s happening now or use photos/music to gently spark memories.

• Keep visits simple: Small groups and quiet settings are easier than noisy gatherings.

• Celebrate abilities: Engage in activities they enjoy and can still do (listening to music, gardening, art).

Balancing Both Roles

Even if you’re mostly offering social support, small practical steps (like bringing written notes,

using reminders, or simplifying plans) can make a big difference. And if you’re a caregiver,

remembering the social/emotional side keeps the relationship warm and meaningful.

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What to Say vs. What Not to Say

What to Say (Supportive Phrases)

• “It’s okay, take your time.”

• “I’m here to help you.”

• “That’s alright, we can do it together.”

• “Would you like this or that?” (give simple choices)

• “Let’s do one step at a time.”

• “You’re safe.”

• “I love spending time with you.”

• “That sounds interesting — tell me more.”

• “Remembering isn’t always easy, and that’s okay.”

What Not to Say (Unhelpful or Stressful Phrases)

• “I just told you that.”

• “Don’t you remember?” / “You should know this.”

• “No, that’s wrong.”

• “You already asked me that.”

• “How could you forget?”

• “You’ve said that before.”

• “You don’t make any sense.”

• “That’s not important, never mind.”

• Using a frustrated tone, even if the words are fine.

Extra Tips

• Instead of correcting, gently redirect.

  • Example: If they say it’s Monday when it’s Tuesday, you can reply, “Yes, it feels like Monday! Today’s Tuesday — what shall we do today?”

• Simplify questions: Offer either/or choices instead of open-ended ones.

• Focus on reassurance: Words that make them feel safe matter more than factual accuracy.

• Meet them where they are: For many living with dementia, their past becomes their present. They may believe they are still a young child whose parents are wondering where they are. They may worry about their big presentation at work tomorrow, that promotion is really important for their family. What do we as the family and/or caregivers do when our loved ones are living in the past. Let's start with what not to do. The worst thing you can do is persistently correct them. What's better is to meet them where they are. If they believe they are 10 years old and need to get home before curfew, assure them that their parents said they could stay out late tonight. If they are worried about work, help them get their presentation ready or help them pick an outfit for the next day. When it comes to dementia, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to tactics. One trick may work one day and do harm the next day. What's most important to remember, no matter what route you take is to meet them where they are. 1) Don’t correct 2) Don’t argue 3) Don’t test 4) Don’t try to reason

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